LoV3 !S 4 L!F3

hye everyone….hope u guys having nice gathering ….please la next time dont leave me alone lg :-(….juz kidding….my baby teman me sms td…xde la boring mane pun….btw, thanx to Safiq n Koyot 4 da food…its delicious….very thoughtful of u guys abt me…i guess same to the others….heheheheh…:-)

today, i sat down wit a friend of mine…cian dgn die sbnrnye….his bf, dat fucked up person, layan die mcm anjing je…useless pny lelaki…pk he owned her ka?…stupid asshole…minah tu dah suffer gile babi last 2 weeks…or even more than dat….kalo aku dpt lelaki tu, aku definitely pecahkan kepala die…ade lg sampah cmtu atas bumi ni?…lelaki…tula prob utama…die pk die buat ape yg die buat skrg is caring pdhal controlling….mane x nye…every single fucking time nak call minah tu je…sampai dlm toilet pun…pstu, xleh cakap dgn lelaki lain….not even wit her members yg dah mcm family to her….pstu, die xleh ikut org lain….ape punye jantan la…kalo he’s around, boleh la buat cmtu….ni dahla long distance relationship…pstu, x caye kat minah tu…tuduh minah tu whore la, ade lelaki lain la….issshhhhhhhhh…geram gile aku….seriously, if i go to jail 4 killing dat guy, aku puas hati abis….he doesnt deserve a life on earth….my friend pun 1…mamat tu dah tampar2 sume, still stick wit him….hmmmm….now i believe when ppl say love is blind….love makes me blind…3 times…there goes my ‘yin’ part…sorry if any guys offended by my language…if u in my position n think emotionally, u will utter da same language….especially when it happens to da 1 dat close to u…

‘yang’ part…caring n controlling is gud actually….u should care 1st, then control….example, becoz care to syepah, koyot suruh at least syepah ade teman 2 go 2 DPS…tu br betul…care then control….zarul took care of me by controlling me not to smoke at all wktu jd gf die dulu…dat’s a gud control….becoz of his care towards asha, kenx control cara berpakaian asha dgn make sure asha kemas n menutup aurat dgn baik…tu control yg bagus…sumtimes in gurl’s part, kitorg x suke sgt control guys sbnrnyr…i dont control zarul dat much coz he knows how to control himself…tp lelaki, dasar buaya darat….kalo x control, ckp la yg pompuan ni x reti jage die…pk kitorg ni mak ke nak jage anak?…apela…tp, x dinafikan….ade je pompuan yg kaki control…mcm Qayum, my friend…gf die queen control abis seyh…gurl lain call qayum even his friend, minah tu dah tarik muke 14 die….bengong namenye tu…x considerate lgsg….btw, i used to be queen control la wktu mule2 couple dulu…yela…x reti nak share kan…i’m not a person yg ko blh share everything wit me k…tipu la if gurl x control guy n likewise….how much of the controlling rate tu yg patut ditanye…care je witout control pun x elok jgk…coz memberi peluang 4 he/she to stray..

tc pernah ckp dulu…"couple is a time trial 4 u to listen to sum1 else in ur life whom hv done some reflection on u n u hv opportunity either to take it or object it. It’s ur choice".

let me know wat u guys think k…

hillie 1203

hye everyone….hope u guys gud as always….juz wanna congratulate every single person dat involved in da event on 27 Oct 2007…whether u r a committee or not….as long as u helped to enliven da event, i appreciate u guys…thanx alot…frm da bottom of my heart…heart u peeps alot

okie…honestly, to me, dis year celebration is less happening than last year…of coz we always hv some reasons why our event became like dat….most of the people involved undirectly blame the advert committee….dat’s 4 da starter….multimedia slides problem on dat day….lack of people to do the hardworking stuff due to the field trip…i guess everyone saw everyone’s flaws on dat day….

wanna say congratz to our emcees 4 da nite, meddy n haikal…excellent job 4 both of u…food committee, syaha n nini….i know i can count on them 4 da most important thing of all, da food was fabolousa wit da ‘F’ for it….protocol unit, islah n amalina…islah is da master on dis, amalina still got lot to learn on protocol part…she should be wit amiera when the VIP arrived….deco n prizes, iffa, nadiah, aqilah n hannah…well done job…as a junior, they did great on dat day…ringgo, my technical man….i love u alot 4 dat day….he worked 4 koyot n safiq b4 da event n 4 koyot n safiq, thanx 4 da nite part…my right hand, azam…i dont know how i’m going to work witout u on dat day…hakam, bus-man…sorry coz yelled alot at u on da evening…registration committee, bella, miqdad n nizwan….nice work but u guys should attract more ppl to da booth rather than juz sit n wait….learn sumthing frm dis…my advert team, ju n topex…gud job but u guys hv alot to improve…shahul, mie-mie n kenx, my man…thanx alot 4 da invitation part…aju as well…my saviour 4 da invitation….heart u guys alot…asha n afiq 4 presentation…love da presentation on dat day…by shahul n nusantara team…great..slide’s peep….salaam n daus, nice starter 4 da celebration even da multimedia had abit prob…to every single person dat help to set up n clean up da place…thanx alot…really appreciate dat…becoz dat’s da hardest part of every event….setting up n cleaning up…heart u peeps alot….

now, i wanna say sorry 4 every single details mistake dat i make on dat day, which were:

1) yelled alot on u guys who setting up da place on da evening

2) mistake on the VIP name

3) clumsy on every single things on dat day

4) being unreasonable n hot-tempered

and some others dat i cant remember…being too stress to make da event grand as it should…to my project manager, amer n project director, islah….so sorry if i dont do my work well on dat day…dat’s da best i can do 4 guys n CIS…thanx alot 4 da trust u put in me to organize da event…juz blame me if anything wrong during da post-mortem soon k…

till next event by me…

hillie 1203

p/s: sweetheart, i do raise my hand if i do mistake…it juz sumtimes, i do proud of myself…cant help it…;-)

hye everyone…i guess dis week is da worst huh?…assignments n tests…next week as well….i pray everyone will sane enough to finish dis sem…i pray dat to myself actually…wit a help from ‘barbiturat’ of coz…i swallowed around 10 of it dis week only…possibility of increasing it in tuition free week….killing myself man…currently retarded n mentally ill….dont read da blog if u dont want to…i’ll talk abt me dis time…

i am tired….physically, mentally n emotionally tired….

physically tired coz of the lack of sleep to complete my bridge…the weight is 2 kg++ n it tear at 14 kg…doesnt meet the requirement of the bridge specification…we had our testing time on last thursday…most of my friends done well on da project…congratz them 4 dat….but i proud of myself actually…coz i do learn alot of things frm it…how da design can be manipulated, how da construction can be improve n so on….i seriously believe EFPC is one of the gud subject 4 us, 1st year Engineering….we get to apply wat we learn in Mechanics n Material into da project….cant wait 4 EFDP next sem…

mentally tired coz i need to think alot of things…besides bridge n school stuff…i have my biggest event ever to handle today, 27 of Oct 2007….Eid celebration…need to be grand n bla bla bla bla…i’m sick of doing dis stuff u know…i’ve been doing it since ages….frm primary to secondary until now….my dad always told me dat i am a great organizer…hahahhaha….but, seriously….even if i hate it…i still do my best 4 it…i’m a person dat will give 110% 4 my work….even if it’s going to kill me….n i love full control of my work…coz if anything goes wrong, u can put da blame on me….dat is wat i dont get over here….full control of the event…i cant change everything by my desicion only…i try to adapt da new way but sumtimes my pride said dat i can do better than everyone else who organize it….i’m a control freak…i can go over stress juz becoz of it but my stress will be worst if i cant get da full control of everything….i guess i hv to adjust myself alot more…

emotionally tired…i feel i’m losing every person dat i love n cherish…last few days, i realise dat i lost my sayang….i think becoz i hv no 1 to pamper me the way my sayang used to….besides my darling of coz….i know, nobody can tolerate wit my behaviour….i annoy ppl sumtimes…my main reason why i dont get to close wit my batch of Pet students…coz they will no going to understand me….i’m annoying….ppl cant never stand me….that’s why i close to seniors…they dont see me everyday….wit them is my only place where i can get pampered da way i want….or myb juz becoz i’m da only gurl when we hang out…i guess i’m lack of attention….i need sum1 dat can give me attention…myb u guys will ask me to find bf….xnak bf…i’ll not be free as i am if i have 1…all i want is sum1 to pampered me without being part of my life internally….like my sayang n darling…the feeling of secure juz being wit them…i can be myself around them witout they judging me…i get to feel da love frm them witout being in love wit them…i guess dat’s wat i’m looking 4 when i hv my sweetheart…but…i make a wrong step…i falling in love wit him….which is a rare coz i dont even know who he really is….i guess i’ll never know….n i’m preparing myself to lose my sweetheart….which is hard to do 4 now…liking him is how i get over my baby before…i need to hunt 4 a man aftr him….but, i’m not looking 4 it anymore….dah penat….no purpose of hunting anymore….i guess it will be my biggest mistake ever, falling 4 sweetheart….besides dat, i have to fake infornt of person who hates me n who i hate…i know it goes against my principle…but, if dat’s da only way 4 me to change myself, its should be ok rite?…penat nak puaskan sume org…penat sgt…ppl dont care how i feel when they do sumthing dat related to me…but..i dont blame them 4 dat…gile r nak jage hati sorg, sume org kena tukar…it should work another way around…to my housemates…thanx alot 4 everything…

in seriously, i juz wanna get over this sem ASAP…i cant stand the drama around me n my own drama…myb i take too much on watever happen around me….too much care 4 unwanted stuff…but, that wat makes me a person today….i wanna know human to be a better human….to much analysing ppl behaviour do affect mine….i tends to be like my study material….i need to learn to love myself b4 loving others…but, it will reveal da worst part of Siti Nor Rahilah…i’m a defensive person…u dont like my when i’m angry…i’m moody…but i was born to please everyone, dont care if dat person doesnt please me da way i please him/her…i dont know will i ever change to a better person…time will let me know..

till next time….

hillie 1203

hye all…we meet again…juz wanna say thanx 2 all peeps dat comment on my blog….especially on "prince charming"….i take every comment in positive way….i heart u peeps alot…u know i am….frm da bottom of my heart…

da title is da exact amount of time dat i spent in Curtin University of Technology….plus all da holiday yg i balik semenanjung…plus minus holiday, should be 1 year….hmmmm….lets do reflection on wat happened in 1 year…shall we?

started wit our 1st ever duty as Curtin student n my fellow friends’ duty as Petronas Scholar…Drama 4 national day celebration in Curtin…1st ever "drama" started also frm there…which leads to many other related scene….4 peeps actually involved…3 in it since the orientation week….1 silence…come another 1….2 main person still remain there…cuba menjernihkan semula keadaan…and it works….i dont know da details but congrats on da 2 main person…dpt menyambung ape yg mrk mahu….Voltaire, a French philosopher once said "Friendship is the marriage of the soul, and the marriage is liable to divorce". Agreed?…some say yes but some say no…ur thought?…lets check wat happen next….aftr 1st "drama"…we encounter 2nd…to whoever involve in dis "drama", must never forget this phrase, "sharing is caring but sumtimes sharing is killing"…ring a bell peeps?….this phrase hv 3 "drama" related to it, if my thought serves me correctly…household…and 2 friendship…anyone dat know dis "drama" will say they agree to Voltaire’s quote…so do i…willing to guess wat happen next?…the household become tighter…friendship a little bit shaky…but they manage to stand next each other witout cat fight….the world make sense again….there are some small "drama"s….the biggest 1 r yet to come…end of foundation semester 1 2006, we hv sum1 dat really into sum1…trying hard to get dat person attention….that sum1 succeed to get that person attention…nice touch down, i would say…

started foundation semester 2 2007, everything goes smoothly….until…dat sum1 do da worst bullshitting ever on 1 person…why asked for dat person trust when u know u going to ruin in at da 1st place?…dis is da catalyst 4 the biggest "drama" ever….why a catalyst u asked?…in history, there is a theory call "Domino Theory"…happened during Vietnam War…President of US at dat time, Richard Nixon said,"if Vietnam goes communist, so will all the SEA country"…falacy isn’t it?…back to the story….the heart-broken person unintentionally drag another heart-broken person to the story…when u hv 2 heart-broken person, the equation should be like dis…heart-broken + heart broken = heal…but in their story, it became worst…seriously worst….as the theory goes, the heart-broken story do effect peeps around them…do they realise it?

started 1st year semester 1, 2007….da "drama" can no longer be hold…volcano eruption happen…the worst ever…more than Karakatoa n Fiji….unbearable explotion…wat happen aftr dat?…Voltaire’s quote is da rite description 4 now…the Domino Theory is not a falacy in our situation….

why reflection u asked?…look how we grow up through dis whole 1 year…do wat happen in our surrounding affected u as a person?…me, personally…do get affected by wat happen surrounding….some of us became more mature…some of us become more careful…some of us learn to take a risk in life…some of us learn dat love is an undeniable feelings…some of us learn how to handle our life in more proper manner…all dis happen becoz of wat?…friends around us…sumtimes, i do feel dat all of us started to fall apart…no longer be the "band of brothers n sisters" like we used to…can we have dat anymore?…i’m not da only see these….we strong when together but weak when apart…a French novelist named Anais Nin once said, "each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born"…think abt it…

let me know wat u guys think k….

hye guys…we meet again…no 1 gonna read da blog coz sume buzy kan raya…juz wanna wish "selamat hari raya" frm us in Curtin Village to friends back in peninsula…hope u guys enjoy ur raya k…kitorg penat buat quiz math 4 some of u guys tau…bwk balik mknan bnyk sikit….;-)

Okie…dis is wat we do on pre-raya…as usual…the peak of celebration started on thursday…mule2, take my parcel kat pejabat pos…lps tu…g jln2 shopping raya!!!!!!!!!!….i bought a pair of heels…kuning..matching dgn baju raya…hahahah…vincci of coz…my fav of all…jiji, put n shahul pun beli sumthing jgk…ask them 4 details k…pstu, last buka puase kat KFC…go 2 cars…1 car were jiji, me, shahul n put…the others were kenx, asha, sweetheart, chong n sara…aftr dat, g smbhyg n kenx’s car decided nak balik but jiji’s car continue shopping…but me, i’m flat 4 da day coz bgn awl pg tu…hntr syaha n buchik balik…i’m so sleepy…i juz sleep in da car at basement floor…sorg2 lg tu…haahha…then, we went home…janji dgn kenx nak kuar pantai but…sume flat sudah…juz slept like bear….woke up next morning….at afternoon time, jiji n put shopping 4 makanan nak masak pg raya…me…at home coz i thought i hv my material tutor, which last minute cancelled…cibai btl…malam raya masak2….until 4.00 am….jiji n put kemas rumah…me teman golden couple g tmn bulatan…basically dis wat happen on pre-raya….

Raya!!!!!!!…pg raya sent Zulhilmi to airport…i felt sad jgk la….tetibe je…ade beberapa scene menarik but raya pny psl, xnak cite :-P…balik dr hntr Mie Mie, mkn2 kat umah sendiri. 1st day raya, we went to 7 houses kalo x salah…mule dgn umah kak shinaz….main dishes: nasi kerabu n kek kak jam yg best tu…huhuhuhuh…wish she could make it 4 my burfday next year :-P. lps tu bdk gurl junior…not bad jgk….standard dishes…pstu, umah faizah n amrah….happening gile…hangat jgk topic ari tu…yg best, adik die buat kuih seyh…kpd lelaki2 sekelian…contohila hanif k…sara’s house next…same jgk…juz jmpe kek lapis je n asam…hmmmm…put gile dgn asam pg tu….no comment on guys part coz kitorg separated….aftr sara’s house, umah khairin…terbongkar rahsia besar die….mamat tu mix seyh….gile r…selama ni die ckp die ade keturunan srwk je…pdhal mak die australian seyh…hampeh btl mamat tu…mak die masak portuguese dishes…best gile r…umah abg ipin next…mkn sate n many other dishes…penat makan dah time ni….kenx tertido kat kerusi, buah hati die pun cmtu jgk…last house 4 da day, abg hafizth…best jgk…me juz eat rambutan je n mkn jgk la sikit….balik umah around 4.30 pm…dah penat gile r…janji mlm tu nak g pantai…sume dah flat sgt….2nd day raya, put n jiji masak lontong n mee sup…nice one…nothing much on 2nd day…g umah azura dlm pkl 5 lbh…sesat coz minah tu x bg cukup address…mcm x ikhlas je nak bg kitorg g…hehehehhehe….mlm tu plak…pkl 3 pg…as usual, pantai lg…jiji, me, sweetheart n shahul in 1 car whereas kenx, asha, ma’an n chong 1 car…pengalaman worst nak kejut sweetheart aku bgn…strain gile rase…bwk bekal g sana but kitorg tgglkan wktu g subuh…alih2, g balik tmpt tu…sume xde except bks kuah kacang yg tumpah…sedey seyh :-(….ma’an, kenx n asha main pantai…shahul temankan jiji…me wit sweetheart…hahahaha…cian kat die…pstu, unpleasent accident happen…sesape yg tau, tau la yek…i wont tell a single thing abt that….pstu, kitorg mkn kat Toast house….sampai umah around 9 am…these are basically our raya over here…

Post raya plak…would be buke beramai2 kat Mcd bg sume yg pose 6…pstu tgk wayang…sumthing menarik jgk on dat day…but dah malas nak story seyh…penat sudah…

In conclusion, our raya over here mmg best wit sum unwanted accident…tp…overall 4 me, a nice 1 coz dis my 1st time raya witout my family but i hv village family take care of me…thanx to put, asha, n jiji…housemate yg setia 4 da whole raya…kenx, sweetheart, chong n shahul…the protecters…n others yg x balik raya…sorry coz my kuih sik jadi bah…lama sudah aku sik polah nya…huhuhuhuhu…till next raya k…

p/s: sorry 4 late update…been busy wit my bridge…:-)

Hye…we meet again…i guess today’s blog gonna be quite boring…so, dont read if u dont want to….to those who read, thanx alot…

beaching around 2nd session…sepatutnye x jd i guess…but meddy sgt3 nak main pantai coz ari tu x dpt….so…again we went to beach….b4 dat, g isi minyak n makan kat rasa segar….mknan dah xde pg tu…strain btl…mkn ape yg ade je…pstu…we all gerak pegi pantai dlm pkl 4 pg…singgah 24 hours shop dulu…beli junk food n stuff…nice thing dis time…we played TRUTH or DARE…actually xde dare pun…hehehheehe…it’s more like confession n declaration…haahhaha…nice one…sworn by secrecy, thy shall not reveal thou secret….so, to those who wondering abt it, keep on wondering k :-P….later, we went to Masjid Luak 4 subuh prayer n then got back to beach nak mandi….tp keadaan air x mengizinkan itu berlaku…so, dgn kecewa yg cipanzi pny tahap, kitorg g taman awam….main kat tmpt kanak2…kena halau coz dorg nak cuci air….pastu naik jambatan gantung die…i’m afraid of height actually…tp td buat2 berani je….hehehhehe…pstu, dorg still nak g pantai jgk….kitorg singgah pantai Lutong….still da same condition…so, i was total flat at dat time aftr 23 hours without rest…i slept in da car…nini as well….went back home around 9 am….

lesson for dis time….i would say…people do change…hopefully change to sum1 better….we sat n thinking how time can actually heal everything n change everthing….as da time goes by, i do feel my pain is heal…sow by sow…i wish n pray da best for everyone…after all, we want the best for ourselves…

"Over"

I watched the walls around me crumble
But its not like I won’t build them up again
So here’s your last chance for redemption
So take it while it lasts because it will end
And my tears are turning into time I’ve wasted trying to find a reason for goodbye

[Chorus:]
I cant live without you
Can’t breathe without you I dream about you honestly
Tell me that its over
Because if the world is spinning and I’m still living
It wont be right if were not in it together
Tell me that it’s over

And I’ll be the first to go
Don’t want to be the last to know

I won’t be the one to chase you
But at the same time you’re the heart that I call home
I’m always stuck with these emotions
And the more I try to feel the less I’m whole
My tears are turning into time
I’ve wasted trying to find a reason for goodbye

[Chorus]

My tears are turning into time
I’ve wasted trying to find a reason for goodbye

[Chorus]

Tell me that it’s over
Over
Honestly tell me
Honestly tell me
Don’t tell me that its over
Don’t tell me that its over..

by Lindsay Lohan….

Hye everyone…i dont think u guys going to read da blog today…korg ade exam kan…best of luck k…do ur best….

Could i have sweetheart only for me?….hahahaha…juz kidding k…jgn marah Sara…btw, Asha thought da same abt both of u guys…look sweet when u guys together…at least, there is sum1 dat have da same view as me…hehehehe…anyway, wktu buke puase td, Nini let out 1 statement dat makes me wonder…mcm lagu Maroon 5 plak…she said,"skrg ni sume org nak berpasang-pasangan"….which is…i dont totally agree but da surrounding seems like it…compared to 1st sem dulu, ade 1 couple n 1 teman tp mesra…da number increasing this sem…which is…no problem to me actually…sum ppl said, dis is da suitable time to find ur life partner, if u wanted to…btl jgk tu…dulu zaman2 skolah…org ckp "puppy love" or "cinta monyet"….asl cinta kat uni org x bg title yek?…dulu kecik2 blh la pggl puppy n monyet…skrg puppy n monyet dah besar….so, it would be "doggy love" and "cinta beruk" la kan….ewwwww…awful gile bunyinye…i’ll suggest sumthing better next time k….tp kan…da unavoidable problem is when ppl said u can never have ur friends n partners at da same time….which is…xtau la nak ckp btl ke x…depend on how u guys view dis things…i hv no experience on dis coz time couple dulu, x same skool…kitorg jumpe pun weekends je…so, my time in school is fully wit my friends..things will start to go bias…yela…dulu every seconds member je…bile dah ade gf/bf…nak la berkepit je kan….tp kan…yg kesian is ppl yg berkepit ni kot…dorg xnak hilang kwn but in da same time xnak hilang org tersyg….mst mengalami strain yg teruk kan (mengalami stress is actually wrong according to engineering terms )….till dis time, i salute koyot n syepah…still ade time for members n for themselves…i dont say yg berkepit tu x bgs…tp u guys x rase ke yg u eliminate ur friends around u?…member pun jd x best je nak lepak, tkt ganggu privacy…my basketball team kena teruk dulu…i skip tgk dorg training…skip support dorg on weekend match coz wanna be wit Zarul….killing me bile dorg ckp i hv no time for them….but sume ni involves changing kan…i do like changing…but when u imparting a drastic changing in ur life, ppl around u xtau nak react mcm mane…too drastic…like quenching process…lps heat treatment, the material being cold asap…the atoms still in disorderness but still create a gud material…mcm japaness sword….but how gud it be…is decided by the chemical properties in material itself (engineering material 100)….i hope u guys understand wat i’m trying to say…it’s juz my opinion…

could i have…my friends juz be friends like we used to…could i have it back….only time can tell…until dat moment come, i will always be like an eagle, sitting on top of the tree branch…watching down on my preys but have no intention to devour them…wishing they could go away…placing the fact that they r not my cuisine but another creature dat share the same position as mine in this blessing mother nature.

hye everyone…we meet again…i juz finish my material test today…kind of happy coz i’m able to answer every question :-)….hopefully i dont do careless mistakes tho…my worst enemy ever…

back to the title…prince charming…every gurl nak prince charming kan….its like a fairy tale story…Snow White and Cinderella….to name a few….do have a nice ending…where u get wat u wish for…

reality check…it doesnt always end up da way u like…1st time i fell in love, i wish he was da 1 dat i’m going to spend my lifetime with…turns out…i cant never beat my own destiny….i dont said it cruel….take it as an experience….but i take it badly….i do collapes becoz of a guy….i went therapy becoz of a guy….i nearly kill myself becoz of a guy…i took risk becoz of a guy…i changed becoz of a guy….but at the end…that guy was not worth for every single fucking shit that i’ve done…i dont blame him…i blame myself for it…i dont stand on my own 2 feet to think…takes me 2 years to realize dat i am over him rite now…

my question is…how can u know da guy or gurl dat u like is made for u?…how can u know?…how can u tell?…ppl said its an instinct…but my instinct usually leads me towards sumthing really bad….or i make useless of it…is it essential to have a gud end in a relationship?…relationship is a two way communication…my mom always tell me dat…ppl said that a couple will be perfect if they compliment each other well…

is love judgable?…how can it be judge?…

let me know wat u think…